Updated: Apr 13
Almost two weeks ago I celebrate my first Eid with my friend and her family. Ramadan has been one of the most powerful connection to my fellow humans and to myself. It has also been a period where I learned even more about the voice in my head.
Ramadan and my wound of rejection and abandonment
Last year I read this important book about the 5 wounds of the soul. It was very enlightening to discover what my soul suffered from and what I needed to heal in this lifetime. I wrote an article about rejection and how it makes us feel.
During Ramadan I realised how much those wounds are still open for me. It felt like a balm for my heart to share such a spiritual experience with my friends. I felt like I was living in a cocoon of care and attention for a full month and this came from the sole fact that I was sharing a fast, a common experience of hunger with my friends.
Nowadays most of us are so disconnected. We barely talk to each other. I mean taking the time to sit down and share our feelings about what is going on in our lives. I feel like we're always talking about things we watched, places we've been, things we've eaten. But we do not talk about how those things made us feel. Sometimes I wonder how much we actually know about how we feel.
I have done a week of Ramadan with my friends before but this year I wanted to do the whole month because I stopped cooking anything for myself for months. I'd rather not eat than make myself lunch or dinner. Deep down I knew something was wrong and I hoped fasting would help me clear the fog and see the truth. I kept wondering why would I happily cook for my friends but not for me. I mean we're talking about food, something quite essential for the body and our well being in general. Fasting made me realise how much I had lost self-love.
Ramadan and Self-love
Fasting made me go into a phase of withdrawal of my senses. I could not taste any food or water for what felt like a long period of time. I was actively depriving myself of any kind of food except words of affirmation to prevent me from breaking my fast before I should. Fasting forced me to support and love myself in the name of God. By doing so I realised how much I needed it. How much I had deprived myself from simple acts of love such as cooking for myself. Taking myself to a yoga class.
Since I graduated from my teacher training I have walked away from practicing yoga in a studio. I wanted to focus on my self-practice. Then, I started coaching sessions with People at Heart Coaching because I wanted to find a purpose to my life. We worked on what matters to me, my values:
- Being stimulated (spiritually, professionally, etc.): My self-worth is linked to how much I expand my comfort zone;
- Being connected with people: my family, my friends. Learning from someone else's culture, experience. Nurturing honest and respectful relationship with others makes me feel happy.
Before the month of Ramadan, I did not realise how much trying to live a life more aligned with my values would have kicked a self-sabotage operation from my ego. The operation was subtle and achieved with success for more than a year. I am still in the recovery phase and working on an action plan to rebuild a healthy relationship with myself. I am being helped with a key partner who I met during Ramadan: my inner wisdom. Her name is Maya (Just like Maya Angelou, who I admire so much) and she is an older version of myself. She is 20 years older than I and she is helping me with guilt, shame, disappointment. I see her as a holy presence in my heart, always reminding me that I am doing my best and that I can only do better when I know better.
Ramadan and Consciousness
Islam nowadays has a bad reputation. Many ignorant people associate it with terrorism. It is so easy to use shortcuts. We are being taught in so many ways how to be ignorant and lazy.
Doctor Paul Gilroy said: "Ignorance isn't just something that happens. Ignorance is made, ignorance is manufactured, ignorance is encouraged, ignorance is developed. There are spaces of ignorance, there are locations of ignorance and they grow, they are organised through our relationship between power and information."
Our mind processes several hundred thousand of thoughts per second in the unconscious part of it and then hands out to our consciousness an action to execute. "Consciousness is the middle-man and it doesn’t do as much work as you think." So when you think you have made your opinion about something always wonder "Did I make up my mind by having thought, researched and improved my knowledge about this topic or do I just share the general opinion?"
Always remember that we are not conscious beings. As much as we love to think we are better than... We are not unless we make an effort of thinking consciously about a given topic, analyzing not only what has been written about it but what is our history with that topic, what have we been taught about it. How does this "knowledge" affects our thoughts and opinions.
For my grand parents' generation being homosexual was "wrong". For many years and up until today having an abortion is seen as "wrong". We have been taught that when society (i.e. whether laws, media, general opinion, etc) says something is "wrong" then it is "true"...
"Ignorance isn't just something that happens. Ignorance is made, ignorance is manufactured, ignorance is encouraged, ignorance is developed. There are spaces of ignorance, there are locations of ignorance and they grow, they are organised through our relationship between power and information."
Pr. Paul Gilroy
Ramadan reminded me of how loud my ego is (Ego (noun): a person's sense of self-importance).
Ramadan reminded me to be humble every day (Humble (adjective): having or showing a modest or low estimate of one's importance).
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Sawubonasana is a space where you can be yourself, recognized and loved just the way you are. Sawubona means "I see you and by seeing you I bring you into being", Asana means posture, way of living. I've chosen this name for my website because I want to live a life where I see you, I acknowledge your existence and love your uniqueness. In this space you can love yourself, lick your wounds and heal them with love and compassion. You can book a coaching session with me by clicking here.