Self-love... Why the hell not?

Self-love (noun): regard for one's own well-being and happiness.

Many times I had people asking me what is the difference between self-love and selfish. I thought it would be a good topic to write about as I believe the fear of being selfish is preventing many people to love themselves.

A definition of self-love

I started loving myself about 5 years ago when I went through my divorce. This separation helped me realised that I had delegated the love of me to an external person, my husband. Because his way of loving me was not satisfying I had decided to leave him. I was blaming him as well for his incapability of completing his only mission: to love me. It took a lot of real talk from real friends and some spiritual slap in my face to realise that I cannot demand to others what I would not give to myself.

Looking back at my younger self she was basically saying:"I can't find anything to love within myself, so please look and love every bit you see!". Back in the days I did not understand what people meant by "If you don't love yourself how can you expect someone to love you?"

"Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt"

African saying

It is very important that love comes from within. Very often it is self-love that we like in the people we admire.

You have it within yourself. Find those tiny things that you love about yourself. Self-love is a step-by-step process. It is about starting by recognising the positive within you. Even the positive within the so called "negative".

Self-love is about pushing back the thoughts that are preventing you from reaching inner peace. People always ask me "how are you so positive? You always look so happy, how come?" well this is basically me:

Push that s*** away! All day every day!


We have already talked about the fact that there is a positive side to anything if you take a close look at it. When it comes to selfishness many of us sees it as a predominantly negative trait. The truth is selfishness can be one of the strongest expression of self-love. Saying "no" can be selfish but if you do not want to do something you should say "no".

Self-love is about being able to show your boundaries. Loving yourself is speaking up for yourself. It is about having your own back. It is about trusting yourself. It is about not letting yourself down!

Many of us think "we don't deserve". That is a lack of self-love. You are worthy of anything you desire.

I am going to leave you with this great video about self-criticism. Pay attention to the way you talk to yourself. Remember Jada's words and have a great day!

. . .

Sawubonasana is a space where you can be yourself, recognized and loved just the way you are. Sawubona means "I see you and by seeing you I bring you into being", Asana means posture, way of living. I've chosen this name for my website because I want to live a life where I see you, I acknowledge your existence and love your uniqueness. In this space you can love yourself, lick your wounds and heal them with love and compassion. You can book a coaching session with me by clicking here.

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