Vulnerability (noun) : the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.
Why are we so scared of being vulnerable and why it would actually make us better humans to be vulnerable?
All right how cute is that?
Let's go straight to the point: Vulnerability is damn cute! Super-duper sexy and it's also F*ing healthy!
Yup that's right: It is healthy to have feelings and express them! Stop being a weirdo about this: You are human. You feel so you are. When you will stop feeling... Well you'll be dead really.
Well, whatever, it's the truth! Enjoy life while you're alive! I could probably stop this article now, but let's give you more tips since you're here!
Men is just another woman...
A lot of us woman think that men don't have feelings. They never cry, they don't talk about how they feel, they hide away from their feelings like it's a cactus chasing them, they are bold and could easily get into a fight, they don't listen, they don't understand us. They do not self-reflect. It's like they just lack the gene to learn from their mistakes!
Well let me stop you right here, right now: Fuck yeah most men are like that because they have been brought up to be like that:
- Men don't cry
- Warriors don't cry
- Man up
- Men shall protect the damsel in distress (and any other damsel for that matter)
- Men are strong!
- etc, etc... More BS,so much BS, ain't nobody got time for that!
Let's focus: Men go through the same kind of s*** we do. Feelings of abandonment, rejection, humiliation, injustice, treason. The significant difference is: They are not allowed to suffer. They do not have the safe space to feel their pain. They are expected to bite their tongue and get on with life. So if you want a world with more men who can't express their feelings, for whom the word vulnerable is exclusively for woman, keep raising your boys telling them how much of a great warrior they can be once they're all grown up! Fighting injustices and saving damsels in distress!
Woman is just another men...
To my fellow woman. How easy it is to throw the first stone! Indeed, we have been lucky enough to grow up in a space where it is "OK to be sad", "When you feel like crying just let it out", etc. With the rise of feminism, we have now also learn how to be independent. We work, read, write, have an opinion, express it, earn enough money to not need our partner's money (although personally if he wants to give it away for my personal shopping, I'm fine with that), we can vote, drive, travel, wear trousers, ride a horse, hunt, own a company, wear unicorn slippers, basically we can do whatever we want (mostly in Western countries). We are lucky enough to live in an era where woman's rights are expanding quickly, our voices are heard louder, the future looks challenging but bright and full of opportunities.
So where does that lead us all?
On one hand, I can see women who are as strong as men and fully capable of managing their emotions, their mental health, seek help when they need to and find an ocean of women whether in their friends or on social media to support them. On the other hand, I see a desert around men. I might be wrong and please let me know where I am mistaking, but the men around me are quiet, they don't know what to say by fear of hurting, they don't know how to be vulnerable by lack of knowing how to, they don't know how to talk about their feelings by lack of knowing how to. In silence, they shrink... Until eventually, it becomes to much and they disappear...
Some of my closest friends lost their brother by suicide. The first time it happened I was 13 years old. The last time it happened I was 32 years old. I can't imagine what they are feeling. This needs to stop!
We need to stop this non-sense. We need to stop closing boys in a mental dark room and expecting them to be able to cope with life struggles. We cannot keep pretending that boys don't feel like women. That is all a lie, it's conditioning and it can be changed. In the same way we changed people's mind about what a women can or cannot do, we must changed the way we educate boys! We must change the way we talk to the men in our lives, we must be compassionate and patient because most men we know do not have the tools to cope.
We must show men that we are able to listen, to understand, to trust.
We must give our trust, despite what we've been told, despite what we've been through, despite all our assumptions: We must help them.
We must make ourselves vulnerable in order to help them be vulnerable.
I was reading studies about gender and suicides... "Gender differences play a significant role in suicide as well. Furthermore, among all age groups in most of the world, females tend to show higher rates of reported nonfatal suicidal behaviors, while males have a much higher rate of completed suicides."
Please don't make me tell you that opening your heart to men could be helping your dad, brother, son, etc, because you hate it when we have to use that s*tty argument to convince men to be feminists. Simply be a feminist: open your heart, be vulnerable, create a safe space for men to just be, feel, exist.
Last but not least...
I have been inviting woman to create a safe space for the men in their lives. Obviously, to all the men reading this, I also invite you to do the same with the men in your lives. I see so many big groups of boy friends. All cheery and happy to enjoy a stag do, a birthday, etc. I am not a man. I do not know when, if, how you guys talk to each other about the things that hurt you. Clearly that's not enough when I see the stats about men suicide. Therefore, please allow yourselves to let go of those words trapping you in a warrior's shield and preventing you from feeling your heart beats. Authorize yourselves to talk to each other.
Maybe you will be launching a new trend: talking. Talk about what matters to you, what hurts, what makes you happy, how you haven't been able to find a way around it or maybe how you did find a way around it by reading, talking to a coach, your mum, your dad, a friend, a therapist, doing meditative walks or whatever helps you to cope: SHARE IT WITH YOUR MALE FRIENDS! #talktosavemenlives #malelivesmatter #mentalhealth
After all, don't we all rise by lifting others?
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Sawubonasana is a space where you can be yourself, recognized and loved just the way you are. Sawubona means "I see you and by seeing you I bring you into being", Asana means posture, way of living. I've chosen this name for my website because I want to live a life where I see you, I acknowledge your existence and love your uniqueness. In this space you can love yourself, lick your wounds and heal them with love and compassion. You can book a coaching session with me by clicking here.