What about rejection?

Updated: Aug 31, 2019

Rejection (noun): the dismissing or refusing of a proposal, idea, person, etc.

Being rejected can be one of the most painful feeling leaving us with a deep wound. How does this impact our lives?

What are the symptoms of suffering from a rejection wound?

Yes, rejection can be one of the deepest emotional wound that you carry without consciously knowing it. It makes you want to be invisible. It makes you run away from anything that could put you in the position of being rejected: asking for help, sharing your feelings, being vulnerable, opening yourself to someone, showing that you care, accepting a compliment, accepting love, etc.

You end up with a deep feeling: loneliness.

Loneliness is a very painful feeling. It is also a deep form a self-sabotage. You feel lonely and the best remedy would be to share it with someone. To open yourself up and receive help, love, support, attention, care. Instead, by fear of opening yourself up and not finding anyone to provide any help, love, support, attention and care: you stay closed. As closed as an oyster. Avoiding those feelings as much as possible...

Well what good is that gonna be really? Ignoring your feelings will just make them act out just like teenagers! I mean as much as I love kids, who wants to have a bunch of misunderstood teenagers in their back yard?!

Errrm... Yup: No one!

So let's sort this s**t out! Ignoring your feelings by fear of rejection = living in fear.

Shall we have a quick look back at Fear! Remember what we said last time:

Fear is creative and she uses a very simple trick, just like politicians! This method has been described by Tocqueville as follow:

It is simple and easy to think that opening yourself up will result in being rejected. The truth is: It is a risk. But, look around you. You have friends, family, people who love you, people who care about you. So put your boss gear on and assertively reassure Fear about the fact that we need to try!

Remember being disappointed is part of being alive. Like Susan David said in her TED talk, hoping to never be disappointed is having

"Dead people's goals. Only dead people never get unwanted or inconvenienced by their feelings."

How to heal your rejection wound?

Try to be rejected. It does sound crazy but gently put yourself out there. Ask for a seat in the bus, be fussy in the restaurant, ask a favor to a friend, etc. Slowly and gently put yourself out there. Learn to be comfortable with the uncomfortable.

Remember that you are an amazing human being. List down what makes you unique. What you like about yourself. What people like about yourself. Actively remind yourself that you are worth it! You are precious! You are important! You are more than a few rejections. Being rejected says nothing about who you are.

Invest in your mental health: read books, articles about the wounds you are suffering from. Bring your attention towards what makes you feel good, how can you live in alignment with who you are (i.e your values), how can you build strong foundations so that you do not shake or feel like crumbling when rejection happens in your life. Book a session with a therapist or a coach. Take time to talk to your friends about it. Open yourself up to them. Friends can be a beautiful source of love and healing. Remember my article about Friendship?

Find yourself a mantra. Mantra are very powerful ways to shift our thoughts patterns. You can find your own mantra or use this one:

I am always here for myself, have always been and will always be

No one can truly reject me but me

The Universe has my back!

Forgive yourself for feeling like this. There is nothing wrong with you. Billions of people feel the same. It is not being weak to fear rejection. It is a very natural feeling. Chill. It's not a big deal and with time, practice and compassion you will overcome both the feeling of being rejected - You will accept it; Just like an old very good friend - and you might team up to help this feeling feel more at ease with being rejected. Being triggered.

Remember "fail early, fail often, fail forward!". Email me and share your attempts and how it's going!

I hope you liked this article! Share, share, share! We attract people very similar to us, people who have the same wounds. This article can resonate with them and help them start failing forward!

I would like to thank each and everyone of you for reading me every week, sharing my articles, giving me feedback.

Thank you so much! I am glad to know that by sharing from my experience I have been able to help one or many of you heal their wounds.

. . .

Sawubonasana is a space where you can be yourself, recognized and loved just the way you are. Sawubona means "I see you and by seeing you I bring you into being", Asana means posture, way of living. I've chosen this name for my website because I want to live a life where I see you, I acknowledge your existence and love your uniqueness. In this space you can love yourself, lick your wounds and heal them with love and compassion. You can book a coaching session with me by clicking here.

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