All right let's get deeper into those fascinating emotions! This one is my Nemesis: Fear! Her and I have been hanging out for so long! See, she's a "she". A proper girlfriend! She's the reason why I wanna be a Life Coach. She's my main client. Has been for years now! We've made amazing progress together. Let me tell you more about it!
How I met Fear?
Oh my God! That is a proper throw back! I mean... I can't quiet remember when we first met but I remember when she really became part of my life. Yeah... (sigh) You remember that story when I was 8-year old. Well that's it! If you haven't read it click here #playcatchup.
All right, so from that moment, she stayed with me really.
It was fear that prevented me from talking to anyone about the assault. I was scared of making a fuss, scared of being told off, scared of having done something wrong. Hence why he assaulted me... Well this is what fear does most of the time. It worries, overthinks, runs all the craziest scenarios.
In my case I let fear grow and grow, ... At the age of 12 I was scared of boys. Like big time. I used to freeze when one of them approached me. Which made the assaults easier... And then obviously shame and fear just kept hanging out with me constantly growing bigger. To the point where I would stop going out. Too dangerous out there. To be honest, as a woman, at some point, and it is sad to admit it, I got used to the abuse, so I thought, let's try and have a life despite this F*-up environment.
So here I go, trying to live a normal life while burring all this fear because it's too scary to talk about it. All my friends are now ready to have sex and I'm nowhere near that line! I'm like fuck that s***!
Anyway, God had mercy and sent me a normal guy, not a sex predator. I ended up trying to have a normal life...
Nevertheless, my nick name at 23-year old was "Grand Ma"! Yes, I'm rocking it guys! What can I say? I thought going out for Thursday fun-day was very dangerous and could lead to gang rape and murder which despite the probabilities of it happening is not impossible! #fearvoice
Indeed, no need to explain where I got those ideas from... I swear, Fear had it's own Hollywood studios. She is THE best scriptwriter, Director, the whole shebang! Blockbusters were realised every single week back in the days.
Finally, the fear of losing my husband got me into therapy. The fear of not living my life as a normal human being, kept me into therapy. The fear of being alone, led me to divorce. The fear of going mad led me to yoga. The fear of losing yoga, led me to become a yoga teacher. The fear of not being able to forgive, led me to self-development, shamanism, meditation, writing, ...
I guess in the end, Fear is not that bad!
How to manage Fear?
I think about new ways to manage fear every day. Fear is creative and she uses the same method as Donald Trump. Method described by Tocqueville as follow:
This is how we get manipulated. This is how we end up living in Fear.
Remember only 8% of our fears have a leg to stand on. 8%. Which means that 92% of our fears has absolutely no foundations. It's pure imagination.
Well more to the point, how to manage your Fear: DOUBT
DOUBT absolutely everything Fear tells you. Do not argue, just ask it questions: "Why do you think that? Have you read that somewhere? Do you have a copy of that study, that survey, that book, etc? How can you be so sure about that?" Basically ask for the source of the information.
Fear does not think, it reacts and we need to step out of that mode and THINK!
We should be the Captain of the ship and no one else. Emotions are part of the crew. They look out for us, signal anything we should be aware of and they are key members of staff. They are family.
Just like with family sometimes we need to push back and show our boundaries to stay in control of our lives.
Remember, self-sabotage is when you let an emotion stay in the light, make decisions for you, be the Captain not on an ad-hoc basis but constantly. It's like living back stage when you are the main character! Step forward! It is your life!
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Sawubonasana is a space where you can be yourself, recognized and loved just the way you are. Sawubona means "I see you and by seeing you I bring you into being", Asana means posture, way of living. I've chosen this name for my website because I want to live a life where I see you, I acknowledge your existence and love your uniqueness. In this space you can love yourself, lick your wounds and heal them with love and compassion. You can book a coaching session with me by clicking here.